sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
