I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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