I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
