so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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