Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
