She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
