So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
