I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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