We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
