At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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