just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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