There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
