it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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