So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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