We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
