Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
