i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
