I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
