Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
