EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
