The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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