just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
