Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
