Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
