I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
