Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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