haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
