I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am available for nakedness
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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