Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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