think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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