see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
