That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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