New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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