Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
