Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
