Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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