I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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