I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
