The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
