I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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