Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
