JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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