I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
