Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
