I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize