So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
