I bet he comes in French.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
