That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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