Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
They have beer where we have blood.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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