I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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