please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
