I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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