he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
