playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
