Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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