If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
