You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
