The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
