Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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