Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize