It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
