hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
