I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
