Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
