Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
