Ambien. No doubt about it.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
