he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
