I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
