Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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