yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
